Chapter 11: This Changed My Life....

There is nothing more inspirational & moving than the story of Team Hoyt. This actually was one of the reasons I started this blog. I cry every time I watch this.

Chapter 10: Bob Knows Where Its At....

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 
-Bob Marley

 

Chapter 9: Positivity is Key

This occurred on..
October 10th 2011

Its been one of those days where things have gotten progressively worse haha.

Ya know when its just one thing right after the next?

Maybe Im crazy but I have been having 'one of those days'.

Even though I dont like fast food I went to Arbys tonight because I start a clean pure food diet tomorrow. I pulled up and ordered a kids meal because they are just that good (: as I pulled up to pay at the window I was greated by the boy working the drive through. As he handed me part of my meal he asked .."HEY how are you today?"

This is how our conversation went...

Arbys Guy: Hey how are you today??

Me: Im alright thank you, how are you?

Arbys Guy: I am doing great and getting better!

Me: Oh thats so great

Arbys Guy: Ya, you look like you have had a day and a half

Me: Oh ya.. its just been one of those days (with a fake smile all over my face)

as I sat there and waited for my food I saw him start what I thought was an order for a customer inside. He handed me my food and then a LARGE Jamoca shake with oreo cookies ontop. I did not order that and as I drove away I was confused. I walked back inside and said.."hey i didnt order this I want to make sure it goes to the right person" he looked at me and said ya you did and winked.

Its the little things in life that help you know that you are going to be just fine. I look at this boys attitude and I want to be just like him. I have never heard anyone respond with 'my day is going GREAT and getting even BETTER'.. talk about positive.

yum yum (:

Chapter 8: Feeling the Difference

So in my journy of becoming a more well rounded and positive person I am starting to see some pretty awesome changes in my life.

It seems so simple.

Step 1: Wake up with a smile and tell your self today is a good day and be gracious God has given you another day to live and be with the ones you love

Step 2: Keep that smile on and make the most of what the day is bringing you be it good or bad

Step 3: When shit hits the fan react differently than you normally would and give everyone the benefit of the doubt you dont know what others are going through we all have our own issues

Step 4: Love unconditionally, let people know you are grateful for their existance in your life

Step 5: Keep going when things get rough and know that tomorrow is going to be a better day and bring new adventures, joys and trials

Step 6: Remebering what doesnt kill you makes you stronger (big thank you to my great friend Dave for telling me this) And also remember to take a step back a breath before reacting (big thank you to my girl Bri she is the best!)

Step 7: Do something for some one else just so they feel special and important, you yourself will feel warm inside (its a real feeling and its my favorite)

Step 8: Keep remembering that things could be worse, pray for comfort but also know that sometimes God lets it rain so that your heart can get stronger and grow

Step 9: Give god time, your self time, people time, give situations time, and time time

Step 10: When you have a fantastic day or experience remember to thank God, dont just talk to him when you need him the most, he deserves a thank you when he has blessed your life (:

This all seems so simple but I can say that it has been super hard for me to remember and get through those 10 steps everyday. As I have come to recognise these things I have seen a change in my life. I speak a little kinder, I walk a little taller, I feel a little bit more, I can help others and I can be enjoyable to be around. All I can say is that I am grateful that I have started doing this and I wish I could have started seeing that I needed these improvements in my life sooner I think I would have been able to keep more friends and family happy. But like I love to always say ...

THERE IS NO DAY LIKE TODAY

I am so grateful for my life and the things that are in store for me. I cant wait for the next adventure.

Chapter 7: Some Lessons I am learning

1. 

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.


2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.


4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.


5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.


7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.


9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.


10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.


12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.


13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.


15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.


16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.


18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.


20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.


22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.


23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.


24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"


27. Always choose life.


28. Forgive everyone everything.


29. What other people think of you is none of your business.


30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.


31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.


36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.


40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.


41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.


42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.


43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.


44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.


45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.


47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.


48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.


50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift...

By Regina Brett - 50 Things life has taught me.

Chapter 6: Something To Keep Going

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbour, co-worker, longest friend, lover, or even a complete stranger) but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

  Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.

They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and We are never, ever the same.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realised your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become.

Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count!! Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself; it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

 

Chapter 5: Putting It In Perspective..

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I am thankful for...

...the mess to clean up after a party

because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

...the taxes I pay

because it means that I'm employed.

...the clothes that fit a little too snug

because it means I have enough to eat.

...my shadow who watches me work

because it means I am out in the sunshine.

...the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot

because it means I am capable of walking.

...all the complaining I hear about our government

because it means we have freedom of speech.

...that lady behind me in church who sings off key

because it means that I can hear.

...lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing

because it means I have a home.

...my huge heating bill

because it means that I am warm.

...weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day

because it means that I have been productive.

...the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours

because it means that I am alive.

There are three kinds of days:

1. Good days,
2. Great days, and
3. Outstanding days.

I hope yours is Outstanding!

Chapter 4: Prayers ARE Answered..

Today I had a life altering experience.

I used to pray everyday on my way to work. I used to thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings and opportunites I had. I had gotten out of the habit of my daily morning prayer for the last couple months. This morning on my way to work I cried all the way there. I finally said a prayer and just asked if I could just make it through this day, I asked for strength to get me through the saddness I have been feeling.

About half way through my day I recieved a text that completely broke me to pieces. I asked to step out because I knew I would not be able to hold myself together.

As I walked through the doors out of my office I burst into tears. As I walked down the hallway towards the doors I heard a soft voice say.. "Excuse me.." I turned to see a fireman. I have seen him around the office before but we have never exchanged anything but a hello and goodbye.

He invited me into his office and sat me down. The first thing he told me was that he says a prayer everyday. He asks God how he can help or have the opportunity to help some one who needs it. He sat and just talked to me. He said things to me and knew things about me that no one really knows unless you know me really well personally.

So there I was. Sitting in a complete strangers company crying my eyes out as he said things that I have so badly wanted answers to. Nothing he can do can take the sting of hurt away from the saddness I have feeling BUT I can tell you this....

No matter how much you think you dont deserve it, No matter how much you think you cant ask for it, and No matter how much you think nothing will happen.. PRAY

God works in his own way and on his time line.

I can tell you why that fireman felt compelled to stop an awkward 20 year old dispatcher whos problems arent any greater than anyone elses, I can tell you why he spent time with a total stranger who he doesnt know at all to show them love an compassion. God sent him into my life to help me make it through this day.

God has angels walking the earth today. He helps us through others and he has not forgotten us. I know God loves me so much that he sent Boyd into my life at the very moment I needed it the most. Little did he know that he was an answer to my prayers.

Chapter 3: Taking My Own Advise

So it was interesting.. I came accross my very on facebook today and had forgotten what I have had in my "Information Tab" I slowly scrolled down to "My quotes" "My Interests" & "About Me"

WOW..

Can I just say that I preached and talked the talk & never took my OWN advise to walk the walk.. my goodness look at all the things I already knew & never even acted upon. Its alot easier to tell everyone else what to do and its alot easier to not take your own advise.

I thought I would attach what I have sitting there gathering dust

...................................................................................

god gave me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, & the wisdom to know the difference ♥

at this point the only thing i can say about life and love is that god gives us trials for reasons . and i want to be bitter but the only way to be happy is to accept that you have to go through upsets and heartbreak for a reason . im getting excited to get to know my self better and that way i can share it with some one. im awaiting the day when prince charming sweeps me off my feet .

"Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me
And his is not to say
There never comes a day
I take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs
That led me to a love so strong"
--john mayer

i hope and pray one day that all of those who have some one who loves them wont let that person go or push them away . love only comes seldom to deserving people . you date and attract the same person you are . be firm and dont be empty hoping some one can fill that space . because when they are gone .. you have nothing .

today i had a new friend tell me ..

"not just any man can replace no man"

dont settle for less . im going to find a new love or an old love that has matured in due time . i just want to know who at this point . because i know who i want .. they just dont know that they want me .

and thats the way the cookie crumbles

....................................................................................

I guess its about time to inhale all that advise I have so freely shared. I know I have to be happy by my self in order to be happy with some one else.

I have learned some hard lessons here, probably some I could have avoided if I would have put some actions to my words.

BUT

There is no day like today.

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define happiness: state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

Chapter 2: Starting with me..

Michael Jackson is probably one of the most amazing people the world has seen in its history. Not only is he the worlds greatest entertainer, no on has ever beat record sells for the album Thriller.

Those who were closest to Michael can only tell you positive things about him and talk about his legacy not only being his talents but his positivity and his humility.

Because of how influential this man was his legacy will live on forever beyond his generation.

I think this is a perfect way to start out fresh.. I know this song was not written for me personally but it applies to my life in every way right now. I have finally figured out that if I want to make the world a better place and I want to be more positive and fix the things I have broken, I have to start with me. I know that if I can put an action to my words they will mean more. Sorry is just a word until you put an action behind it.

 

Read these lyrics I didnt know myself that this song had so much meaning.

"Man In The Mirror"

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror,
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That
Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!

I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)
Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get
That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.

This is a powerful song with a powerful message. I love it. I am going to stand up and make a change. I am going to every day make it a point to be more positive and to do a selfless act EVERYDAY. I am going to lose my self in the best way possible, and that would be losing myself in the service of others.

The INTRODUCTION to this blog - Chapter 1: Destroying the Beast..

I have started this blog as I have closed a chapter in personal my life
(personal meaning just the 'life of natalie' not including anyone else)

I have thought of what to title chapter & I think this is a good one.

chapter1:
Destroying the Beast

yikess..

Many people may or may not know that I started to do what some call "Modeling"

I became self absorbed & completely transformed into a monster that I now can acknowledge as 

"Natalia Ann"

 define natalia ann: self centered, high strung, self destructing, big mouthed, judgmental, jealous, paranoid, people pleasing, crazy & total bitch among other negative things.

What in the world happened to me? 

I can tell you for the first time in my life i felt like I was on top of the world & I did anything to stay there no matter how many people I threw under the bus & it didnt matter how many people were hurt by my actions.

 For the first time EVER I am going to say that I was wrong I thought I had it all figured out. I dont know everything and ya know? I dont have all the answers. 

& guess what else..

 IM NOT PERFECT

I lost everything in this world that had any meaning to me. I lost the most important person who is the center of my universe & the only person who has always loved me for me & all of my imperfections. I lost friends & I created enemies. The person I never wanted to become.. well I became just that. I was the worst friend and the best enemy.

So with this little intro, I hope anyone who has any interest at all in reading this understands that this blog is not meant to talk about everything that is negative. In fact its just the opposite.

This is a place that I can share everything positive that effects my life. This is a place that I can escape & share things that will keep me going everyday.

I have made daily goals and future goals to have a more positive outlook.

I am no longer lost.